Should I Step In or Step Back?

As a general rule, don’t handle any situation on a regular basis that a teen can handle by themselves. Some of life’s greatest lessons come from the mistakes that we make. Because parents have more life experience and don’t want their teen to experience the pain of a poor choice, they rob their teen of valuable learning experiences. Making all the right choices for your teen will seriously handicap them when they become a young adult out on their own.

Here is a simple grid to decide “Who’s Problem It Is” to solve. 

If it...

• is a safety issue.
• interferes with parent's rights or responsibilities.
• threatens someone's property.

Then it is the parent's problem to solve.

All other problems are either the teen’s to solve or both of them to solve. There may be an exception if the problem is outside the teen's problem solving ability. However, most often, parents get involved when stepping back would better prepare their teen to be self-responsible. 

Finally, it is important to communicate to your teen that their value and your love and acceptance of them is not based on how well they perform in life, even when they choose poorly.